Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Books Are Boring OR They Make You Cry OR BOTH (jk not both)

Books are boring. No, seriously, some are. Except for sometimes when they aren't. But they're too depressing to read every day. Anyway, I totally understand how some people become non-readers. It's hard when you're reading a book and you just don't really care anymore. You don't want to be a quitter. You want to finish what you've started. Except you really don't. So know...go find a different book and tell yourself you'll "come back" to that boring book and eventually you'll give it enough distance and read enough better books that it'll be ok you didn't finish that one book.

Remember when I started out this year going "I am going to post a blog post every week! I am the best at blogs and reading!" And then I did in January and almost did in February, and now it's been a month since I've posted anything. Well, I've been reading. And I've been writing. But I've been writing scripts for my budding actors. And reading scripts for monologues for audition season....and not finishing all of them because I hate reading plays. I like watching plays and being in plays, but I suck at reading plays. I always feel this need to sit down and read the whole thing in one setting and seriously, who has the time for that?

So here's my list of boring books that I've started and haven't finished. Go ahead and yell at me if they're your favorite. I had to wander off and re-read Ella Enchanted for like the 19th time to remind myself that I do like some books.

I would like this play a lot more if "my" character (Lady Percy) was in more than three pages. It starts to get really funny and oddly make more sense when you read it while drinking wine. Kind of like how I can speak French again when I drink. Maybe if I drank more wine I would like to read plays more. I'll let you know.
Kind of like Game of Thrones with less sex and strong female characters.
Status: Just need to finish Act V

Ugh. I remembered hating the third book, but then I realized I gave it five stars when I reviewed it, so I decided I might actually have secretly liked it.
I do not care about Robert Langdon anymore. I do not like that he always has a beautiful, smart female "assistant" every case, who he sleeps with and then we never see again. You are forty freaking years old, figure out how to have a relationship with another human being.
This book basically makes me want to re-read Dante's Inferno and/or write my own novel using Inferno as it's basis.
Status: Just over halfway before the library stole it off my kindle. Rude. Just kidding, now I don't have to finish it. Thanks, library!

I feel the same way about Philippa Gregory as I do about Glee. Out of four books/episodes, 1 is fantastic, 2 are meh, and 1 is ugh-freaking-noxious (like obnoxious but with more pain to the reader/viewer). I loved most of her Tudor series (The Other Boleyn Girl, The Virgin Queen, The Constant Princess, in that order. Fab.) But I feel like she drones on and on and this is like the third book she's written about the same series of events so I vaguely know what's going to happen and I liked the first queen better so I really just don't care about this character or what happens to her.
Status: I liked the first half. I'm stuck in the last quarter. I'll probably finish it. Except I started a new nonfiction book that's more interesting so maybe I'll just quit reading fiction.

a book I loved.

OH MY GOD THIS BOOK. I listened to it via Audible which was AMAZING but listening to it made everything ten times worse. This is one of those books that makes you feel good about yourself for having read it, because you clearly understand life and pain and the world better because you read it. Unless you don't like books like that, in which case, um, sorry? 80% of the books I love made me cry. If a book doesn't make me cry, I basically assume that it's a terrible book. Because I'm a monster.

No just kidding. Old Nick is a monster! (In case you care about what this book is about, this is the part where I tell you.) The novel is told from Jack's perspective. Jack has just turned five-years-old. Jack and his mom live in a room together.
(super minor spoiler alert)
No, literally. A ROOM. Room. Because Old Nick kidnapped his mom and has held her there for seven years, or all of Jack's life. Jack's mom hasn't really explained this to him yet, because she's a good mom and is trying to take care of her child. But you, the reader, figure it out pretty quick and are completely horrified. 
I drove to a party while listening to this book. And cried. So it took me a long time to get through it because I could only listen to it when I was driving home and it was ok to arrive sobbing, and the roommates would say "Oh, you're listening to that book again." To which I would nod and go get chocolate. 






(SORRY SHANNON, who alerted me that the GIANT FONT was actually really small in the real post. PROOF READ PEOPLE. And by people, I mean me.)

About halfway through the book they escape. Which is the part I cried the hardest. And then Jack has to learn about the REAL world and he misses his home, which depresses his mother and everything is beautiful and nuts.
The voice actor who played Jack is my new favorite person. So nuanced. So adorable. Just want to hug Jack forever. 

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