Killing Ruby Rose (3.5) & Books That I Would Rather Die Than Finish

This, like I Am Livia, was a free Amazon Prime book of the month. And like many of the Amazon Prime books, I feel like I give it a giant sigh and a shrug, “eh, at least it was free.” But there are a lot of free books in the world, and there are a lot of books I haven’t finished (more on those later), so why this one? Basically I was on a roll of reading some silly books (I actually finished A Mad, Wicked Folly right before I read this one), and the problem with silly books is I don’t have a whole lot to say about them. This one, for example is: here is the plot. Plot very interesting. Talked much about shoes. Shoes very boring. Why is she wearing yellow leggings as pants? I feel that is wrong on a lot of levels.

ANYWAY the book is about Ruby Rose, and it’s basically Veronica Mars but not really as good….Ruby’s dad was a police officer and he died a few months earlier and Ruby has decided to take out her anger at the world by stalking serial killers who got away with murder. THEN some guy starts stalking RUBY and putting her in the position to kill the bad guys. Is he going to kill HER? Is she going to go to JAIL? Is she going to sleep with the cutest guy in school? Read the book if you care to know. I mostly liked her except the shoe tangents made me yawn. It’s like the show Pretty Little Liars, I liked it when it was about their dead friend texting them. I didn’t like it when it was about pretty clothes and sleeping with teachers.

Entertainment: 5

Love Story: 4

Do you hope the main character survives the book? probably

Better than Twilight? No

…now I’m reconsidering my life choices.

This book is satisfying to read in the same way it’s fun to read Cosmo magazines are or eat an entire bag of potato chips…it’s fun for a minute, and then you feel kind of gross. 

Charlie is like, SO much smarter than the girls that live above him. He is an unemployed wanna be writer, and they are unemployed, hot, and drink a lot. Charlie eventual gets off the couch and attempts to talk to them. 

I somehow stumbled across the "dear girls above me" twitter feed last year, and thought it was pretty funny. This book is just as quirky, following Charlie's life and interactions with the girls, but….he’s kind of an entitled asshole and feels really sorry for himself that he isn’t getting any blowjobs…and I personally feel grossed out by the idea that some guy thinks he’s entitled to blowjobs from pretty girls. Ugh get over yourself. Thinking you deserve blowjobs just for existing is basically rape culture.

Read Hyperbole and a Half instead. 

I don’t even know how this got onto my to-read radar. I think I was depressed from reading Room or something and just wanted something light and fun. It’s an epistolary novel (which I just had to google because I can’t remember how to spell it. And was only 80% sure it was the right word…it means its written as letters, or emails in this case) about a lawyer doing something. There’s a divorce. I don’t know I got like ten pages in and got confused. I didn’t care about any of the characters because I didn’t know who any of them were. I would rather read Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason and OMG part of that book got spoiled for me and now THERE’S NO WAY I will read that book. And I can’t tell you what it is because I don’t believe in spoiling things*

I am SO disappointed in myself but I cannot bring myself to finish this book. It just goes on FOREVER. It’s supposed to be like, SO GREAT, but, ok, here’s the premise:

This girl can’t die. Every time she makes a decision that makes her die she has to go back and relive her life and make a new choice. And she can kind of remember her past lives and what happened when she made the wrong choice. But after she’s died at the end of every chapter for 200 pages I’m like…just die…just die, die, die…is this book ever going to end. I will try to finish it but I’m not making any promises.

I'm really judging myself that I liked Timebound more than this book.

THERE ARE SPOILERS IF YOU KEEP SCROLLING SO STOP IT

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I MEAN IT

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YOU’LL NEVER WANT TO READ A BOOK AGAIN

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OR AT LEAST NOT THIS ONE

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I CAN’T EVEN.

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*DARCY IS DEAD. I CAN’T. 

Hyperbole and a Half (5)

Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened.
By Allie Brosch

I think at this point in time there are two kinds of people: people that like Hyperbole and a Half (the blog) and people who have yet to read Hyperbole and a Half. I started my journey through Brosch's blog somewhere around here:"How Fish Almost Destroyed My Childhood" and then promptly spent the rest of my night reading her previous two years of blog posts. TWO YEARS. I think it actually took me more then one day.

Allie reminds us all of the beauty of humanity, or at least those of us who haven't quite mastered the art of adulthood but are still, for some reason, allowed to wander around the world doing jobs and renting homes and adopting pets. Either this book will make you feel like a really, really responsible adult, or it'll make you feel less alone in your utter confusion about the "real world," either way, you should get a healthy chuckle or two out of it. I personally read the first half in one sitting and started laughing so hard I couldn't breathe at least once.

This pictures sealed it for me though

I just can't stop laughing, and I need everyone to read this essay/cartoon so that I can use it in every day conversation because who HASN'T had a random feeling of, like, "there's a spider in my house, better just burn the damn thing down" and has had to repress that feeling?

If you aren't sure if this is the thing for you, definitely go check out her blog, and then decide. It won Best Humor book on Goodreads so if you're into that kind of thing, go read it. Immediately.

Hyperbole and a Half available for pre-order!

I hope this is the cover*.

Should this be exciting? I don't know, I LIKE to have things to look forward to. Gives life some extra pizzazz, yes?

Anywho, if you've been living under a rock for the past couple years and don't know, Hyperbole and a Half is an online comic with long-form stories sprinkled with adorable comics, mostly featuring crazy things that have happened to the comic, Allie Brosh. I love it. She doesn't post all that often, but it's always epic. Her last post was one of the most beautiful and funny things I've ever read, about her last year battling depression. I cried, and laughed, and my heart grew three sizes that day.

October 29, 2013. Be prepared world. Be prepared.
I just pre-ordered mine. It's currently #2 on the Amazon Bestseller list. Second only to, you guessed it The Cuckoo's Calling.

Speaking of which, like I mentioned, I like to be excited about things. I like anticipation. I like to plan things out. I am really upset that J. K. Rowling has had a book out for half a year and I just found out. I'm busy Jo. I can't read your book, I have a stack 7 high. But I want to.

In case you're keeping score, They solved the mystery of the anonymous tweet (probably). Apparently one of Jo's lawyer's wife's best friends is the culprit. Not any of her kids. I'm disappointed. So is Jo, ""I had assumed that I could expect total confidentiality from Russells, a reputable professional firm and I feel very angry that my trust turned out to be misplaced." 

*it's not.